It's Not Easy

Posted 3:30 PM by Gerald So

I titled this post after Five For Fighting's 2001 song about Superman because it has to do with my best college friendships, and in college I identified with Superman. I had romantic feelings for one of said friends, and their going unrequited threatened our friendship and my equilibrium. I could only handle it, I imagined, if I were Superman. My disappointment still spilled out at times, but less than it would have without my super thought experiment.

Fast forward thirty years, for about half of which the same college friends have dreamed of a destination reunion. It's finally happening next month, a long weekend in St. Paul, Minnesota, only I'm not going. My friends are all married, most with kids. I'm single, no kids. I'm also disabled. Can't drive well enough to pass a road test. We became friends in part because they drove me, enabling me to join in any group fun I could ask.

For the reunion, too, a friend offered to book flights together and arranged airport rides. I think this longstanding dynamic blinds them to realities of my disability always apparent to me. For one, getting ready each day. At home I do it in private. At a rental house with a handful of roommates? Not entirely possible. They are my friends because they accept everything about me, but I'm still self-conscious. It wouldn't be an issue if we had hotel rooms, but the house is the point of this trip.

I paid my share of the rent shortly after my mother's death. I thought a getaway would be good for me by the time it rolled around, but I find I'm still concerned I'd bring down the mood. So I passed, but that was far from the end of it.

While it's true we haven't all gotten together in persion in many years, we chat and email and video call regularly. I count all these because I never know if I can make events or trips. A lot of things to line up. That's true for everyone, but it might seem so in my case. I've freelanced from home with my mom's and brother's support since well before the pandemic and the past three years caring for Mom after her bouts of pneumonia. In calmer times, it looks as if I can rearrange my schedule to do anything.

My friends are used to including me, convincing me, in effect overlooking my self-consciousness. Others might empathize, knowing it doesn't mean I'm retreating from friendships; it means I'm cool with what friends want to keep to themselves.

Max Weekend

Posted 7:00 AM by Gerald So

Thanks to a sale at GOG.com, I spent the second half of the holiday weekend playing the 1990 spy computer game SID MEIER'S COVERT ACTION. I recall finishing the game years ago, but I had to relearn three of the four mini-games.

If you're too young to remember the game, a recap: You play Bondian CIA freelancer Maximillian/Maxine Remington, foiling plots by arresting or turning co-conspirators and retrieving key items (blueprints, alarm bypasses, etc.). Your ability to arrest and turn depends on gathering evidence by wiretapping, decoding messages, infiltrating hideouts, and/or trailing suspects by car.

Sid Meier criticized the mini-games in retrospect as being too disparate and distracting from each other. I originally finished just by breaking into hideouts, photoing evidence and snatching suspects in the process, not caring whether I turned them (for double points) or if masterminds went into hiding. Still the mini-games' variety is fun. Breaking cases the way I did as a teen got me promoted to top agent, but the best winning condition is to arrest all twenty-six masterminds. I like that the rival organizations are real: KGB, Mossad, Revolutionary Guards, Colombian Cartel, etc. Only working for the President hasn't aged well, in my opinion.

"Here's a commendation from the President."

Keep it.

Amazon MGM taps Villeneuve to direct Bond

Posted 5:00 AM by Gerald So

Wednesday this week Amazon announced the choice of Denis Villeneuve to direct the first James Bond movie since it took creative control from Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson.

Villeneuve is one of the most respected and bankable directors today, and his hire continues Amazon's show of commitment to Bond. While I was hoping for a lighter touch, the tone of Villeneuve's previous films (SICARIO, BLADE RUNNER 2049, DUNE, for example) seems in line with Daniel Craig's run, and may make a seamless transition, dispelling the air of uncertainty.

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