Ending, Beginning, and Going On

Posted 2:00 AM by Gerald So

I've never dwelled on occasions like New Year's Eve. They're special to me mainly because they don't linger. I thought I'd mark today on the blog, though, as I've just finished the most important notifications of my mother's passing.

I always consider she could've died from pneumonia three years ago when she refused going to the hospital or two years ago when she willingly went to the hospital. We had three years extra time and we made the most of it.

I don't mention my spiritual beliefs much because I can't prove them—And who am I to say anyone should believe what I do?—but I believe my mother's spirit has passed on to something we can't see, describe, detect, or prove from here. Indeed I believe it only because I have faith. My mother had faith that she would be seen through every uncertain moment in life. Looking on, I'd say she was.

In the days since her passing, I've prayed to her and to my father. I expect I will the rest of my life, however long it is. Wrapping up this post, may we all have time ahead and make the most of it.

SUPERMAN Teaser Thoughts

Posted 5:00 AM by Gerald So

I feel sufficiently teased. I've been a Superman fan since LOIS & CLARK with Teri Hatcher and Dean Cain. Part of me has liked anything Superman since. I haven't been invested in how James Gunn's SUPERMAN will influence the fate of superhero movies overall. Lois and Clark's relationship is what I enjoy most about the Superman mythos. Gunn's comments sound as though he has a handle on that.

I'm not onboard with yet again using John Williams' Superman theme. It's great, iconic, and all, but if you're trying to do a 2025 take on Superman, how about you don't use Williams' 1978 theme?

Christmas Pre-Game

Posted 2:00 AM by Gerald So

This Christmas three weeks after my mother's passing, you'll understand I don't exactly feel merry. I'm glad she's no longer suffering from diabetes, heart, and lung issues. I'm glad to no longer worry about when exactly she would pass.

I haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit this year, but what I will do is attend the family gathering in Syosset, be there for everyone else, and comfort them as they comfort me.

I wish you the best for the holidays and new year.

Upside

Posted 1:00 AM by Gerald So

My mother passed Thursday afternoon, shortly after my brother and I got home from visiting her. We went back to the hospital to collect some personal belongings and then set the funeral pre-plan in motion. The funeral will be Tuesday morning.

Informing various friends of the family, I'm in the odd position of consoling them as they genuinely react to the news. I was thrust in charge of looking after my mother from her first emergency room visit for pneumonia two years ago. Taking that role was hard on me, but I know firsthand everything possible was done for her. Everyone who didn't see firsthand has a nagging sense of what-if, how-did-this-all-happen that I have to and am glad to assuage.

As with my father's death in 2001, I think I'll finally be relieved after the public grieving rituals. I'll be able to mourn my mother in my own way and time. That said, my father died from pancreatic cancer, my mother from heart and lung issues that left her unable to expel the harmful gasses that robbed her ability to communicate her wishes. Their deaths relieved longterm suffering and so are nothing to mourn.

Downturn

Posted 11:30 PM by Gerald So

My 91-year-old mother went back to the hospital yesterday, nine days after a stay during which she had a pleural catheter inserted. The initial drains seemed to go well, but didn't much visibly relieve her. Most of yesterday she was semi- to unresponsive. We thought it was an issue of very high blood sugar and gave her insulin to counteract, but while her sugar normalized, her responsiveness worsened.

At the hospital, it was discovered her CO₂ and acid levels were high because her lungs weren't expelling them. She doesn't want extraordinary measures, so she was put on a BPAP machine to try and bring the numbers down, but they worsened. She was moved to intensive care, and my brother and I were told to brace for the possibility she wouldn't survive the night.

We chose to respect her wishes, have nothing extraordinary done, and let her pass naturally when the time comes. Her primary doctor and cardiologist endorsed our decision.

I'm disappointed she's lost the ability to communicate near the end, but I look back on her surviving bilateral pneumonia with pleural effusions two years ago and my handling online contact with her doctors and ordering her medications and supplies over the same two years. It was an honor to care for her the way she looked after me growing up.

This final stretch is indefinite, but at least it lets us prepare mentally.