September 11

It's taken me until just past midnight on September 12 to gather my thoughts on September 11, 2001.

I worked a Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule at Hofstra that year, so that Tuesday morning I was home working at the computer with the TV off until a friend IMed me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center.

At first I thought it was a small plane, and that the crash was an accident. I'd heard the towers could withstand that kind of impact. Slowly the details came in, however. It was a jumbo jet, not an accident, an attack. I thought there would be enough time to evacuate the towers. When one collapsed, I hoped the other would stand. For a while it felt as if every good thought I had would go for naught.

In some ways I miss my view of America before September 11. I believed we were relatively secure, that terrorists wouldn't succeed if they tried. I've always disliked the shortcut phrases "9/11" and "Ground Zero," but they remind me it's better to be safe than to feel safe. I would never have had this level of awareness were I not reminded freedom isn't free.

On an institutional level, I don't know that we've increased actual safety. But despite the hassle, uncertainty, and fear, I've savored every second of my life the past four years and am grateful for the perspective to have done so.