VINNIE'S HEAD by Marc Lecard

Just out of jail, ex-pornographer and perpetual screwup Johnnie LoDuco depends on the good graces of his fast-talking cousin, Vinnie McCloskey-Schmidt. Vinnie sells Johnnie on a credit card scam they can run from Paraguay, but while fishing one morning, Johnnie reels in what he recognizes as Vinnie's head.

You have to be in the right mood to read Vinnie's Head, a rambling caper full of comic coincidence and bait-and-switch. Summer may be just the time. Despite all of the above and some fudges of setting, the book delivers the Long Island color and attitude it promises.

New TV Column

My latest Mysterical-Eye column, on cancelled TV shows, has been posted. Thanks to editor Joe DeMarco.

Derek Jeter is 34 today.

Hard to believe. But Jeter still has three months and change on me.

Topical

My poems "Tomatophilia" and "George Carlin Goes to... ?" have been accepted to AsininePoetry.com.

I Deal in The Real

Sandra Ruttan reacts to the blogosphere's response to Duane Swierczynski's Severance Package:

The fine line I’ve learned to tread as a reviewer is separating the author from the book. That means when you write a review, you discuss the book and whether or not it holds together on its own merits. The minute you start saying things like:

a. I expect more from this author,
b. This author can do better,
c. This author is wasting their talent,

etc., you run the risk of making the review be about the author instead of the book.

I commented:

The more reviews I write, the less personal they become. Though comments on what the author could have done seem like an attack, they’re also a sign that the reviewer cares about the author’s future, perhaps too much.

I agree with you that we should only review the book the author wrote. We may speculate the author can write any number of things, but if he never publishes these “dream projects,” it’s simply wishful thinking, like saying, “Lee Child could write a James Bond book.”

Moment of Silence

The AP reports George Carlin died of heart failure last night after checking into a hospital complaining of chest pains. He was 71. I was a fan of his observational comedy, his love of words—not just the ones you can't say on TV—and of course, his emphatic delivery.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I've been elected president of the Short Mystery Fiction Society, which essentially means more list moderating duty. I will strive for clarity and cooperation as I do in all areas of life. Vice President Jim Doherty and I start our two-year terms July 1. Derringer Coordinator Nikki Dolson begins her one-year term the same day.

Have a look at the new SMFS blog.

Below is my planned revamp of mission statement on the SMFS Web site. My goal is not to change the group's focus but to clarify it for prospective members and synchronize its presentation with the e-mail list FAQ.


STATEMENT OF PURPOSE

The Short Mystery Fiction Society promotes the writing, publication, and appreciation of short mystery fiction through informative discussion and various publicity efforts.

SMFS MEMBERSHIP

The SMFS congregates via the Shortmystery Yahoo! Group. There is no fee to become an SMFS member. No dues are collected. Simply subscribe and:

- Introduce yourself.

- Spread word of your latest publication.

- Share expertise or market information.

- Consult the membership—writers, editors, publishers, readers—on any aspect of short mystery fiction, from police procedure to submission etiquette.

- Just lurk, receiving our messages by e-mail.


THE DERRINGER AWARDS

Every February, SMFS members nominate and vote on the best published stories of the previous year. Our annual Derringer Awards have recognized excellence in the field of short mystery fiction since 1997. The name "Derringer," inspired by the palm-sized handgun, was chosen as a metaphor for a mystery or crime short story. An awards coordinator is elected every year.

SMFS OFFICERS

The SMFS elects a president and vice president every two years. The president ensures that discussion and other list business runs smoothly. The vice president assists the president and serves in his/her absence.


List FAQ:

What is the Short Mystery Fiction Society?

A group for anyone who writes, edits, publishes, or just enjoys short mystery/crime stories. Join us via the Shortmystery Yahoo! Group.


Boundaries of Discussion

We aim for a discussion open to any aspect of short mystery fiction, equally worthwhile to authors, editors, publishers, and fans.

Please keep personal disputes offlist. If you are unsure of a message's tone, contact the poster privately or e-mail me at the address in the left sidebar.


Reading, Posting, and Replying to Shortmystery

The list messages are publicly readable, but you must subscribe to post a message or reply.

When posting, avoid irrelevant quoting (e.g. entire messages or digests) and long signature files. These are wastes of network bandwidth, causing slower dowloads.

If you have articles or interviews to share—instead of reprinting them entirely by e-mail—please quote or comment only on relevant passages, paraphrase, or send URLs where members may read at their convenience.


BSP (Blatant Self-Promotion)

Though it has come to refer to almost any self-announcement, BSP's original connotation—tacky advertising—is still discouraged on most forums, including Shortmystery. The best way to avoid this tone in your posts is to become genuinely involved in the group.

ACCEPTABLE: "Read my story X in the latest issue of Y Magazine."

UNACCEPTABLE: "BUY MY MINT-CONDITION BASEBALL CARDS!"


Congratulations and Thanks

As a community of writers, it's natural to want to congratulate each other's successes or send thanks in turn; however, doing so onlist can grow to disrupt or even overwhelm other topics. Consider sending congratulations and thanks offlist for that personal touch.


Service Advisories

I will post notices of Yahoo! Groups downtime to the list if possible. If I am unable to use the list to keep members informed, I will post advisories to http://shortmystery.blogspot.com.

MR. MONK IN OUTER SPACE by Lee Goldberg

Recently out in paperback, Goldberg's fifth Monk tie-in novel has the obsessive-compulsive detective investigating the murder of Conrad Stipe, creator of the '70s science fiction series Beyond Earth, committed by someone dressed as Mr. Snork, security chief aboard the starship Discovery.

This backdrop allows Goldberg ample opportunity to riff and nod to science fiction fandom and show business in the same raucously enjoyable way Galaxy Quest does (also starring Tony Shalhoub). Helping Monk and Natalie on the case is Adrian's agoraphobic brother Ambrose, expert on Beyond Earth lore.

What may be the purest fun Monk novel may also be the most harrowing, thanks to the looming presence of a hitman. It's to Goldberg's credit the two extremes work together for another great read.

We've got a pulse.

Submitted three poems to Pulsar Poetry Magazine in the UK, my first submission in more than a month. Yes, I had extended family over, but I was also reading a lot and editing The Lineup (proof copies should arrive today), so I only feel a smidge guilty. Part of me welcomes breaks to refocus and keep my writing fresh.

No Doubt

Congratulations to the Boston Celtics, who didn't waste their second chance to clinch a 17th franchise title, simply schooling the Lakers tonight 131-92.

It's uncanny how I used to be a Laker fan (pre-Shaq and Kobe) and have become a Celtic fan, but if Magic Johnson can be one at Larry Bird's retirement, I can be one now.

The Middleman

Just watched the premiere of The Middleman on ABC Family. Wendy Watson (Natalie Morales) is a jaded temp/starving artist who meets the mysterious yet wholesome Middleman (Matt Keeslar), a solver of exotic dilemmas straight out comic books. The show, from former Lost writer Javier Grillo-Marxuach, is irreverent, talky, quirky. I can't wait for more.

Shifting Gears: A Flash Fiction Event

On May 19th, Patti Abbott, Aldo Calcagno, and I announced another flash fiction challenge:

Write a story 750 words or less incorporating the sentence, "With gas prices rising, their plans had to change."

Post your story on your blog or website on June 15, 2008.

Here's mine:


Just To Be Different

by Gerald So


Matt Billings and Jenny Diaz had both achieved Legend status at Last Sword. Matt chose the Knight's Path for his avatar Lance-alot. Jenny took the Brigand's Path for her avatar Handemon, just to be different.

Though Matt and Jenny knew each other only by avatar, they'd IM'ed back and forth for almost a year about meeting at the Last Sword World Championship in New York City. With gas prices rising, their plans had to change. Two weeks before the tournament, Jenny's dad told her he couldn't afford the drive.


Handemon: My kid brother wrecked the car.

Lance-alot: UNF---INGBELIEVABLE! We won't get to face off for real?!

Handemon: Wait, have you heard of BoltBus?

Jenny went on to explain that BoltBus offered daily trips between Boston and New York from $1 to $40, depending on how early you reserved.

Handemon: free wifi & power outlets

Lance-alot: Sweet!

Handemon: So I can still make it, though we don't need the tournament...

Lance-alot: *nod* We know we're the best.

Handemon: But which of us is the Last Sword? What say we settle that on the way to New York?

Lance-alot: You're on!


Matt visited the BoltBus site, but didn't book a seat. He found a rival service, Megabus, and booked with them, just to be different.

The trip to New York would take just over four hours. For the first two, Matt and Jenny were stalemated. Then Matt's laptop started beeping. He glanced down and saw the low battery indicator.

Lance-alot: BRB.

Matt connected the A/C adapter to his laptop, but there was nowhere to plug in.

"Where are the power outlets?" he asked an attendant.

"Sorry, sir. We only offer free WiFi."

Fuck you, Handemon.

Then Matt remembered, Handemon had been talking about BoltBus. He cringed just imagining how he'd explain going offline. On the very dim bright side, he had two hours to think of a good lie.


###

Notes

Just before Patti brought up Shifting Gears, I'd seen a TV news story on BoltBus and Megabus. I did a little digging to find out what, if anything, distinguished them, and surfed upon the piece of trivia in my story.

I know next-to-nothing about online gaming today. Last Sword is loosely based on 1989's Quest for Glory: So You Want to Be a Hero.


###

Others Tackle the Topic

Patricia Abbott, "Epitaph for a Hummer"

Stephen Allan, "Gas"

Cormac Brown, "Flashpoint"

John McAuley, "Shell Game"

John McFetridge, "Long Haul"

r2, "An Old-Fashioned Vacation"

Sandra Scoppettone

Sandra Seamans, "Rabbit in a Trap"

John Weagly, "Friday Night at the Cluck & Jive"

WellesFan, "Cemetery Wind"

Friday Books You Have to Read: THE SPY WHO LOVED ME by Ian Fleming

Some may wonder why I picked this as an overlooked book. It was, after all, made into what I consider Roger Moore's best James Bond film. The book was not what I expected when I first read it in the mid-1990s—a first-person narrative from the viewpoint of a woman rescued by James Bond from two mobsters who attempt to rape her. According to Wikipedia, it is the "shortest and most sexually explicit of Fleming's novels," but even on a first read, I appreciated Fleming crossing gender lines, working his creative muscles.

Evidently, critics and fans in 1962 didn't share my appreciation, which led Fleming to be unhappy with the book. He sold the movie rights to the title only and blocked publication of a paperback edition in Britain.

The centennial of Fleming's birth has prompted many less-than-flattering reflections on his life and career. Though not what I expected, I stuck with The Spy Who Loved Me and am glad I did.

DEVIL MAY CARE by Sebastian Faulks

In 1967, James Bond is called back from a medically mandated holiday to investigate Dr. Julius Gorner, a known drug manufacturer of concern to the British government. Along the way, Bond meets beautiful banker Scarlett Papava, who asks his help to rescue her sister Poppy, last seen in Gorner's company.

Tabbed to celebrate the centennial of Ian Fleming's birth, Devil May Care received more than a year of hype starting with the search for its author. Perhaps lost in the hype was the fact that several others have written Bond novels after Fleming, including Kingsley Amis, John Gardner, and Raymond Benson. The only real anticipation lay in that Benson stopped writing Bond in 2002.

Careful to mimic Fleming's writing process and style, Faulks surpasses none of the above authors' best work. The period setting is interesting, as is the look at an even more world-weary Bond not at the top of his game. In the end, though, like Indiana Jones, James Bond's formula is so well known, it's difficult to strike a balance between innovation and tradition—especially for Faulks, who signed to write only one novel.

If you're a Bond fan, you'll read Devil May Care, and if you hate it, don't worry. There's no shortage of authors to write more.

You talkin' to me?

Detectives Beyond Borders' Peter Rozovsky raises another interesting topic, the role of dialogue on the page:

What role does speech play in creating setting? How far is too far when it comes to trying to capture the flavor of "ethnic" speech? How do authors strike a balance between maintaining an illusion of everyday speech on the one hand and creating memorable dialogue on the other? What happens when authors give up the effort at maintaining a balance? Who are your favorite writers of dialogue, and why?

I commented:

For me, authentic speech is one more thing that pulls me in and keeps me reading a story. I can't say the actual dialogue is essential as I think one can approach the same level of authenticity with sentences like, "Animatedly, in Italian, he gave me directions to the church." However, when a writer known for a good ear doesn't try as hard to deliver the nuances of speech, I can tell.

I think dialogue is one of the best ways to move a story and one of the most natural ways to reveal character. I think it's going too far when the dialogue as written looks too different from readers' concept of normal. A writer's goal is often to make readers comfortable with local speech. The more that speech resembles what the reader is familiar with (i.e. standard English), the easier the job is. I need just a few sprinkles to get the feel of a different speech pattern. For example:

The first thing he said to me was, "What you want?" It sounded more like, "Chew on."

After this bit of explanation, I have enough of an idea how the character sounds to take me through the rest of the story.

RESOLUTION by Robert B. Parker

Last week Graham Powell found himself at a Robert B. Parker signing and did me the great kindness of sending me a signed copy of Resolution, the sequel to his Western Appaloosa.

Former soldier and lawman Everett Hitch stops in a town called Resolution, where hotel and saloon owner Amos Wolfson hires him as a lookout. While Hitch's unflinching dealing with criminals and "softhearted" treatment of the citizenry leave him well liked by the people, he's a bit too free-thinking for Wolfson's taste.

Meanwhile, Virgil Cole visits his friend Hitch. We learn that Cole's woman Allie ran off with another man, and Cole found and killed the man and turned in his badge. So while Hitch helps Wolfson deal with a rival capitalist, Virgil tries to find purpose after a breach of the rules that had always guided him.

Parker explores the same themes in many of his books, but here the frontier setting gives them some imaginative cover. My only complaint is that each chapter ends too neatly, not particularly driving the story anywhere or compelling me to read on. This is the result of Parker writing ten pages a day without a plan. If the author has only a vague notion where the story is going and eschews revision as Parker does, he can't build toward anything very effectively.

Smallville's Creative Shakeup

This June 4 article details the departure of Smallville developers Al Gough and Miles Millar. Apparently the duo wanted more compensation and more time to work on movies given the show's track record.

Veteran writer/producers Darren Swimmer, Todd Slavkin, Kelly Souders, and Brian Peterson will take over the reins, which could mean an end to the "No tights, no flights" rule.

This may sound strange from a Superman fan, but as iconic as it is, I can do without the flashy costume.

IN PLAIN SIGHT

In USA Network's newest summer series, U.S. Marshal Mary Shannon (Mary McCormack) oversees federal witnesses relocated to New Mexico. As a fan of Out of Sight, Karen Sisco, and series star McCormack, I thought I'd like In Plain Sight. The show is billed as an action-comedy, but while the supporting cast is funny, Marshal Shannon is a hard-driving, sour character not helped by a superfluous, bored-sounding voice-over.

The pilot episode takes place on Mary's birthday, with her dysfunctional family planning to surprise her, and she warns her partner she'll be in a bad mood all day. If much of her attitude carries over to tomorrow night's episode, I may not stay tuned for long.

Suitable

Here I am at my cousin Gene's house just before heading to the wedding, not even suspecting my portion of the reading will be yanked out from under me. No one has yet sent pictures of me dancing, but maybe only video can do me justice.

Get it in Gear

There's still time to join Patti Abbott's Shifting Gears Flash Fiction Challenge before the posting deadline of June 15. Participating writers include:

Patricia Abbott
Steve Allan
Aldo Calcagno
Todd Mason
John McFetridge
r2
Sandra Seamans
Gerald So
John Weagly

Sign up by leaving a comment on this post or Patti's original post.

Red Fez #19

...is live, featuring my new poem "Grandpa's Mythology", and my old poem "Night School". My thanks again to guest editor Jeffery Van den engh and Managing Editor Michele McDannold.

I know it's a big day, but please...

My blogging has been light this week thanks to what we've determined was a virus transmitted by my three-year-old cousin Justin to not only me, but several wedding guests. Justin was actually vomiting at the wedding, and I thought his parents had taken him home before the reception, but they showed up to everyone's surprise and sat at my table all night.

I was fine Sunday and Monday, but Tuesday I woke up dehydrated, subsisted on Gatorade, Gummy Fruits, and water, and have been replenishing electrolytes ever since. That first day I felt how Clark Kent felt after being sacked by Nuclear Man.

Please, family, friends, strangers, I implore you, if you or your child vomits at all, go home immediately and stay there until all of you are well.

"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Received my chapbook contest entry back from Nerve Cowboy. It was about a month later than in previous years, so I'd begun to think I had a shot. Alas:

This was our most competitive contest to date...Unfortunately...

Congratulations to 1st Place winner Michael Flanagan and 2nd Place winner Nick Benca.

Through the Turnstile

Editor Joseph R. Trombatore has accepted my poems "After Life", "Sharpening the Sword", and "Set for Life" for Issue #3 of Radiant Turnstile.

Asinine Rewind

My 2006 poem "Watching Julie's Boyfriend" is available again at AsininePoetry.com.

Exeunt

Wedding celebrated, some 80 strong relations converged on my house yesterday to commemorate two 50th anniversary couples and several birthdays. Cousins from Canada got to meet cousins from The Philippines, and I personally got to have a few words with one I hadn't seen but remembered fondly since age 7 or 8.

And today, two of the larger families leave for L.A. and Hawaii respectively. I'll miss them, even the ones who called me Gerard or George, and inevitably I'll hold mental pictures of them at this age while I don't expect to change my look much. I wasn't the one who took them to Broadway shows or made their dreams of laptops come true. I was the one who looked up driving directions, train schedules, and shopping sites to meet their needs in this digital age.

Wedding Day Jitters

I was all practiced and prepared, sitting just left of the altar to read the Prayer of the Faithful at my cousin Gene's wedding when the overeager first reader bounded up to the podium and read my part. We three readers went over our gameplan just before the ceremony, but I guess the first reader's brain was on autopilot.

At the reception, despite the lingering effects of a hunger headache, I got down with my bad self to "Brick House" and "Funky Town." Good to know I've still got it. Now to see how everything feels in eight hours or so.