AP: Tom Jones Receives Knighthood from Britain

It's not unusual to be dubbed by anyone.

The Best of 2005

Best Read (Novel) of 2005:

Kill Whitey by Ken Harvill - A surreal, violent, fun read from a fresh voice.

Twisted City by Jason Starr - The story of how a man's life falls apart when his wallet is stolen, expertly held together by Starr's confident writing.

The Pistol Poets by Victor Gischler - A rye tale of stolen drugs, mistaken identity, and cutthroat academia.


Best Read (Short Story) of 2005:

"Tall Boys" by Rob Kantner - Ben Perkins' first case, great period flavor and excellent plot twists.

"The Dean Curse" by Ian Rankin - Another fine Rebus puzzler, this one involving assumed identity and a car bombing that isn't what it seems.

"East Side, West Side" by Max Allan Collins and Matthew V. Clemens - The first appearance for a Nick and Nora Charles-like duo, who uncover some good old-fashioned celebrity intrigue.


Best Movie Seen in 2005:

Serenity - Finally, a fitting farewell for Joss Whedon's "Firefly"

Batman Begins - Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale get the Bat back on track.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith - A fun romantic action movie, the gossip pages be damned.


Best Writing Experience of 2005:

"This Never Happened to Superman" - Veteran readers of this blog know how long I've worked on this story. To turn the corner on it this year was hugely satisfying.

"Cleaning House" - my first serious rhyming poem, also an exercise in empathy.

"The Carrier" - my first attempt at speculative fiction, a challenge to make believable.


Much of my success this year came from more than tripling last year's submission output. When I didn't know how to work on a piece, an editor's comments would help me take a fresh look at things. 2005 seems to have flown by because it was my busiest writing year so far, and as I continue to learn how to move from one project to the next, I hope for even more in the future.

You talk too much, you're getting me upset.

Received my copies of Nerve Cowboy 20 today. My poem of intestinal urgency in simpler times, "Before Cordless Phones", appears on page 12. Thanks to editors Joseph Shields and Jerry Hagins.

But Dad said, "She runs good."

The Oldsmobile Delta 88, featured in "This Never Happened to Superman", is one of Forbes' Worst Cars of All Time:

GM had two famously bad engines in the early 1980s: one that could operate on four, six or eight cylinders, and an Oldsmobile diesel. While the "variable displacement" engine was a pioneering idea that is just coming back on cars, the worst it usually got was that owners would have to clip undercarriage wires to get away from malfunctioning four- and six-cylinder modes. Oldsmobile's 5.7-liter diesel, which appeared from 1979 to 1984 on the Delta 88, was a bigger problem--a converted gasoline engine that was just a disaster. It would "smoke," demonstrating "rough idle" and "reduced performance," according to service bulletins.

NCIS in Review

This week, while the morning shows air repeats and the cable channels movie marathons, I'm watching tapes of NCIS Seasons 1 and 2, soon to be known as the Kate Todd years. My post on NCIS's Season 2 finale (ending with Kate's death) garnered 37 comments, the most of any entry on this blog. It's good to see her again.

A Year-End Slice of Life

My story "This Never Happened to Superman" has gone live at Prose Toad. Enjoy and let me know what you think. My thanks to editor R.A. Rubin.

Reload

Thieves Jargon passed on the two poems I sent last week. These will probably go into a batch for January.

I had planned on a break the last few days of the year, but flashes of inspiration are coming on, and I'd be happy to use the time to work them out, most notably a new story with C.J. Stone.

AP: Sleepy-Eyed Dunkin' Donuts Actor Vale Dies

NEW YORK - Michael Vale, the actor best known for portraying sleepy-eyed Fred the Baker in Dunkin' Donuts commercials, has died at age 83.

Vale died Saturday in New York City of complications from diabetes, son-in law Rick Reil said.

Ads featuring Fred, who uttered the trademark line "Time to make the doughnuts," ran for 15 years until Vale retired in 1997.

Reuters: Songs don't remain the same for TV shows on DVD

By Bryan Reesman

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Nostalgia sure isn't what it used to be. Imagine watching "Married ... With Children" without Frank Sinatra crooning the recognizable theme song. Ponder a pivotal moment in "Quantum Leap" forever altered because its requisite Ray Charles tune has been replaced. Consider revisiting an episode of "The Muppet Show," only to find that one's favorite musical number has been excised.

As far-fetched as these scenarios might sound, they are becoming a reality for vintage TV shows reissued on DVD. Licensing music for older programs is as pricey as obtaining tunes for new series, and the issue is forcing studios to make radical changes in order to feed the growing demand for TV product in the home-entertainment arena.

Post-Christmas Shopping

Having not received it for Christmas, I bought the Firefly movie Serenity on DVD last night. Also, Overstock.com (of those annoyingly lip-synched commercials) has free shipping through the end of the year. I picked up Solomon vs. Lord by Paul Levine and The President's Assassin by Brian Haig.

What's a decade among friends?

Got together with my Font friends today for pizza, Quiznos, and gift exchange. Talk turned, as usual, to the past. Ten years ago we bonded on the staff of Hofstra's literary magazine. I'm known as keeper of the lore, but recently, as we've grown into lives distinctly our own: magazine production, TV writing, fiction editing, computer consulting, marriage, parenthood, I find myself no longer dwelling on the past. Life is all in how you look at it. I choose to believe each new moment is a new chance to create.

In other words, I'm finally learning what they've tried to teach me all along.

Here's what I gave and what I got:

My philosopher friend from Wisconsin gave us all cheddar. I love it when a cheese comes together. I gave him The Philosopher at the End of the Universe: Philosophy Explained Through Science Fiction Films.

My fellow Superman and comedy fan John gave me the Eddie Murphy movie Coming to America on DVD:

"The place is so big, the choices so infinite. Where will we find a woman suitable for a king?"

"Queens."

I gave him How to Be a Superhero by Doctor Metropolis.

My friend and Green Bay Packers fan, who ocasionally comments here as Obsidian Xerxes and who last year gave me a Dardevil action figure, this year gave me a Street Fighter II Ryu figure (Ha Do Ken!) and a DVR of his January 2005 appearance on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? I gave him The Physics of Football by Timothy Gay, Ph.D, with foreword by Bill Bellichick.

My friend the production assistant on Gilmore Girls promised us West Coast-only items from the Warner Bros. Studio store. My original gift for her, a Lost 2006 calendar, went on backorder, so I checked her Amazon Wish List and picked The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.

It hasn't felt like ten years and hopefully it never will.

AP: Character Actor Vincent Schiavelli Dies

ROME - Vincent Schiavelli, the droopy-eyed character actor who appeared in scores of movies, including "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and "Ghost," died Monday at his home in Sicily. He was 57.

He died of lung cancer, said Salvatore Glorioso, mayor of Polizzi Generosa, the Sicilian village where Schiavelli resided.

And so this was Christmas

The family's annual Christmas party in Old Bridge, NJ was yesterday, with the addition of a few relatives who stayed the week after my cousin's wedding. It was nice to see the young'uns excitement. For me, Christmas gatherings have become less about presents and more about seeing my great family together in one place.

But in case you're interested here's what I got:

Clothing (Of course.)

A plug-in book light

The 2006 Writer's Market General edition (which I did not have already).

A blue Superman t-shirt with ice-covered S-shield

A book-sized organizer with memo paper

All useful stuff and not a chore to carry home. Not bad.

I finished the night selling a $4 MetroCard that expires on the 31st to get into a limit game of Texas Hold'em. The cards were not with me, however.

2005 Journal Meme

Thanks to John Schramm for this meme.

The rules: Copy the first sentence of each month's first post.

JANUARY

Welcome in, 2005.

FEBRUARY

Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher has once again slammed reports her breasts are fake in a bid to temper the increasing "hysteria" they're generating.

MARCH

I've had my eye on a few items for the last month or so, but their cost didn't square with my budget.

APRIL

Writer and TV producer Lee Goldberg, who currently writes Diagnosis: Murder tie-in novels, has announced he's signed to write a Monk tie-in.

MAY

Polished and submitted the aforementioned story to Crime Spree.

JUNE

My copy of Robert B. Parker's DOUBLE PLAY, a fictional mystery featuring Jackie Robinson, arrived today.

JULY

Rangers Pitcher Kenny Rogers didn't know when to walk away.

AUGUST

Hollywood beauties Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sandra Bullock have been dismissed as too old to play superheroine Wonder Woman in a new movie version of the TV series - by the show's original star.

SEPTEMBER

Now that Pierce Brosnan's license to kill has been officially revoked, finding a replacement 007 is proving to be a difficult task.

OCTOBER

Thursday night at 9 I watched ABC's update of Kolchak: The Night Stalker starring Stuart Townsend as Kolchak and Gabrielle Union as his competitive partner.

NOVEMBER

I think I set a personal record of eight submissions in October, and I've continued the flow into November, sending three poems to Contempory Rhyme this morning.

DECEMBER

My story "Lonely Too Long" is now live at Skive.

Christmas Plans

Going for my holiday haircut this afternoon, which is the same as my usual cut style-wise, then tonight to our parish's traditional Midnight Mass at 10PM.

Tomorrow it's Christmas with the extended fam in Old Bridge, NJ once again.

And on Monday, the old Font crew, their significant others, and offspring are meeting at my house to feast on pizza and Quiznos subs, followed by gift exchange.

The Stuff of Legend

December 23 puts me in the mood to reminisce as it's rumored to be the birthday of the girl who was my first crush. This would make her about ten months older than I. I began crushing on her in the fourth grade, having moved from Queens to Nassau County, and at that time it seemed quite the age gap. For the next four years, I hardly worked up the nerve to speak to her while she rose to head cheerleader and student body president.

Somehow, though, word got around that I liked her. At the eighth grade Halloween Dance, another girl offered to get us together for a slow song. I backed out. By the Graduation Dance, I'd heard she was dating someone her own age (who'd been left back), and when she asked me to dance, I said, "No, thanks."

I'd begun to think she didn't really want to dance with me, that someone put her up to it. I wanted to be wanted for me. Besides, she was dating someone else. ("Never rub another man's rhubarb.")

The next year, a busmate tried to taunt me saying he knew her, that she'd dyed her blonde hair black and started smoking.

"Really?" I said, secretly shocked.

"Yeah. She says you danced with her once."

Three Wise Men

State-appointed mediators Richard Curreri, Martin Scheinman, and Alan Viani met separately with Transport Workers Union Local 100 and the MTA this morning, releasing a statement minutes before union leaders were scheduled to appear in court facing contempt charges.

Both sides have agreed to continue contract negotiations under a media blackout, and Local 100 president Roger Toussaint has agreed to forward to the TWU executive board—meeting at 1PM today—the mediators' recommendation that workers return.

Turn It Around

For me, circulating work is is part of the creative process. My work has to excite me, draw me in so readers are drawn in. It doesn't excite me sitting in a folder on my hard drive. Before long, I have to be thinking of how to revise, researching and submitting to markets. Today, a batch of three poems to Defenestration.

Quote: Agatha Christie

"An archaelogist is the best husband a women can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her."

Staying in the Habit

Sent two poems to Thieves Jargon just now, keeping up my December clip of roughly one submission per week.

Bill Granger Update

Last week I mentioned Bill Granger's November Man was one of my favorite book series. Michael Berry checked in on Lee Goldberg's blog with the following Granger update:

I don't know whether Granger is still alive, but back in 2003, he suffered a stroke that seemed to have wiped out most of his memories of his career. I read a very sad article about him in the Suburban Chicago Daily Herald, the link to which has disappeared.

This from a Google cache:

"Bill Granger, who has worked at the Chicago Tribune, Sun-Times and other Illinois papers, is in a veterans' home at 61 after suffering a stroke. Burt Constable writes: "He grasped the cruel irony that the stroke, which robbed him of his mind, has made him stronger physically by forcing him to forgo alcohol, cigarettes and fatty foods. He always seemed to be in the processing of giving up one of those three -- occasionally resulting in odd lunches of nothing but beer and cigarettes. ...In addition to taking away alcohol and his other vices, the stroke made him 'a nicer person,' Granger figured."

Sorry to hear this. I wish Granger well.

NYC Transit Strike

Talks between the Metropolitan Transportation Authority and Transport Workers Union Local 100 have broken down and the workers have gone on strike. With any luck, this won't affect me at all as I'm more based on Long Island. As a moderator, though, I hate to hear that compromise could not be reached before a strike. I wonder what kind of deal will eventually be struck. Ironic to see the negative connotation of strike side-by-side with the positive one.

A Courtship in Cuts

My Favorite Bullet editor David Bates has accepted my above-titled poem for publication in January 2006.

Pure and chaste from afar

Relatives from New Jersey, Seattle, Toronto, and Vancouver came in for my younger cousin the next town over's wedding (yesterday). My cousin and I are pretty close despite the description I just used, and his nuptials were a heartfelt, moving ceremony at our own parish. The reception was the first I've attended where all the music seemed well paced, allowing me to pick the right time to "show 'em how we do it." (Pictures are a possibility) The food was excellent.

Seeing my closest cousin marry convinced me weddings are things people do at certain times in their lives, and it's not my time.

Does This Mean I'm Old?

...is the title of my next poem to appear in Zygote in My Coffee, February 6, 2006. Thanks to editor Brian Fuggett,

The 2005 Best of Me Awards

I don't get much feedback on my work, which is fine with me. I write to serve the story/poem. Wealth and fame are gravy. In keeping with end-of-year festivities, though, I give you the 2005 Best of Me Awards, a chance to let me know which story and poem of mine you liked best this year.

The nominees are:

Stories:

January 2005: "Soft Sell"

March 2005: "The Carrier"

June 2005: "Every Man For Himself"

July 2005: "Stunts"

August 2005: "Gypped"

December 2005: "Lonely Too Long"


Poems:

April 2005: "Pizza Cutter"

August 2005: "Cleaning House"

October 2005: "Excuse me"

October 2005: "The enlightened"

November 2005: "Let me do all the work"

November 2005: "Limbo"

November 2005: "Why I Dropped Drama"

November 2005: "My First Love"

Post your choices in the Comments section.

Brosnan to Play the November Man

Lee Goldberg relays Variety's report that Pierce Brosnan will play aging spy Peter Devereaux in The November Man, based on the novel There are No Spies by Bill Granger.

Granger's series is one of my favorites. It looks to be a good fit for Brosnan.

You don't see this every day

FLORENCE, Italy - Joe Torre carried the torch for the Turin Olympics on Wednesday — after clearing it with his 10-year-old daughter...Torre received the torch from Iowa native Brandon Routh, star of the upcoming "Superman Returns" movie, as part of an American day in the two-month relay.

"I'm just glad he came down to my level for the handoff. There was no way I was going to get up to him," Torre said.

Shifting Gears

Poetry is flagging at the moment, so I'm shifting to fiction. This doesn't mean the next thing I produce will be fiction. It's merely an attempt to find fair winds and following seas. The trick is to keep an open mind until the story I imagine seems better than the one I'm reading, and there's nothing to do but write it.

The Game is Not the Same

Stan Van Gundy has resigned as coach of the Miami Heat, paving the way for team president Pat Riley to return. Everyone knew it would happen, so it's a sham for Van Gundy to cite family reasons and for Riley to act reluctant. Apparently Shaquille O'Neal and Alonzo Mourning also wanted Riley to coach. I suppose these inside moves have always been made, but players and coaches alike have more say, and sports gets more exposure.

I just want to see teamwork. Knowing too much about what goes on behind the scenes spoils it for me.

Back at it

Received a rejection from Word Riot on a batch of poems yesterday, so this morning I'm back to tweaking and looking for new markets. It's a strange mix of feelings. I want these poems to see the light of day, but I also want to be sure they're working as clearly as possible. Add to this deciding between the quick response of online zines and the greater recognition of print, I know if I keep working, though, I'll find the right fit soon enough.

Winterize!

The most functional piece of cold weather headgear I've found is a Navy watch cap. I discovered the watch cap in the pages of Spenser novels, back when Spenser seemed to do a lot more running.

The first really cold day of November, I looked for the watch cap I've had for years and couldn't find it anywhere. Warm and handy as they are, watch caps are easy to lose. Thanks to any number of Army Navy websites, they are also easy to replace. Get yours today.

Blasting the Blahs

Trying to keep the holiday lull to a minimum, I submitted three new poems to My Favorite Bullet this morning. Also, I'm reworking some rejected poems for another submission to Joyce Odam's Brevities.

Superman Meets Santa Claus

...in a very special episode of Smallville.

After meeting with a fixer about digging up or creating dirt to force Jonathan Kent out of the state senate race, Lex is shot and falls into a coma where the spirit of his mother shows him the life he could have if he makes the right choices. In this life, Lex is married to Lana, with a four-year-old son and a daughter on the way. Clark, still friends with Lex, is married to Chloe.

All seems idyllic until Lana hemorrhages after childbirth. Lex's mother tries to tell him this is still the better path, a life filled with love, but Lex is devasted at the prospect of losing Lana, and his father refuses to help.

It's this vision that apparently pushes Lex irreversibly to the dark side. Sound familiar? Actually, it was pretty well staged. I was more bothered by Clark taking a break from super-speedy Toys-for-Tots deliveries to talk a druken Santa off a ledge. The Santa later shows up to help with the deliveries and magically disappears with the gifts.

Chloe: What if he was the real Santa?

Then you've just jumped the shark.

Our revels now are ended

The Hofstra Medieval Revels are a traditional celebration of various year-end rituals: Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Yule, finals...dating back to 1984.

Two of my Font friends met playing guitar and bass respectively at the Revels and invited me to come along in 1995. Most years since then, I've lent my voice in song and spoken word.

One year I was scheduled to play the Deity in a production of the Coventry Play of Joseph and Mary. Alas, the show did not go on. Another year, my friends and I recorded our own blooper-filled version of the Revels to send to a comrade in the Peace Corps.

I can't attend tonight, but the memories are there.


In 2000, I stepped up as an emergency reader. On my shirt is a rendition of Picasso's Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.

Finally Batman Begins

In October, I pre-ordered Batman Begins and Superman: The Animated Series Vol. 2. The former was delayed to ship with the latter, which came out only yesterday. I don't mind this, especially because I locked in a good price. It's just ironic to receive it weeks after the buzz has subsided.

TriQuarterly Represents Queens

The current issue of Northwestern University's lit magazine TriQuarterly is chock full of work by the Queens College Jedi masters who instructed me:

The issue is guest-edited by Kimiko Hahn, who helped jumpstart my interest in poetry, and features work by:

Jeffery Renard Allen, fellow basketball fan whose class featured work by Tim O'Brien, Cynthia Ozick, and John Edgar Wideman, and in whose class I workshopped the story that would become "This Never Happened to Superman."

Harold Schechter, whose survey class, "American Dreams and Nightmares," introduced me to the work of Truman Capote, James Dickey, Brett Easton Ellis, Hubert Selby Jr., and Jim Thompson. Shechter also accepted "Spenser and Hawk: Good and Evil in the Fiction of Robert B. Parker" as a term paper.

John Weir, my first fiction instructor at Queens and eventually my Master's project advisor, possessing perceptive powers far beyond those of mortal men.

Again and always, I thank them.

AP: Rovers Find Evidence Mars Was Once Hostile

By ALICIA CHANG, AP Science Writer

SAN FRANCISCO - Nearly two years after NASA's twin rovers parachuted to Mars, a Jekyll-and-Hyde picture is emerging about the planet's past and whether it could have supported life.

First Entry to Brooklyn

Apologies to Hubert Selby Jr.

The first snowfall I had to deal with this year was kind enough to let me train into Brooklyn to hear Sarah Weinman and Dave White read at Barbés.

I wouldn't have made it in any kind of time without my friend Andrew's help navigating new stations and streets. Before, during, and after the event were good times, with Dave's old Jersey crew (Charlie Stella and Pat Lambe) also in attendance.

Having read Sarah and Dave's presented pieces in advance, I was able to focus on their performances, on how inflection contributes to the development of mental pictures.

Dave's friend Lisa took pictures of the event, now up on Dave's blog.

When the after-party broke up, Andrew and I had fish and chips at the Chip Shop, chatting of old times and new.

Thanks again to Sarah and Dave, event host Robyn Schneider, Barbés, Andrew, Lisa, Charlie and Pat for making Brooklyn feel a little more like home.

AP: Wasps Could Replace Bomb, Drug Dogs

By ELLIOTT MINOR, Associated Press Writer

TIFTON, Ga. - Trained wasps could someday replace dogs for sniffing out drugs, bombs and bodies. No kidding.

Scientists say a species of non-stinging wasps can be trained in only five minutes and are just as sensitive to odors as man's best friend, which can require up to six months of training at a cost of about $15,000 per dog.

With the use of a handheld device that contains the wasps but allows them to do their work, researchers have been able to use the insects to detect target odors such as a toxin that grows on corn and peanuts, and a chemical used in certain explosives.

Reuters: Food critic Coren wins British bad sex award

LONDON - Food-critic-turned-novelist Giles Coren won one of Britain's most dreaded literary accolades on Thursday -- the prize for bad sex in fiction.

The prize is awarded each year "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel."

Coren won it for a raunchy passage from his debut novel "Winkler" which included a description of the main character's penis "leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath."

AP: One of the First Christmas Cards Auctioned

LONDON - A 162-year-old Christmas card, one of the first commercial cards produced for the season, sold at auction in England on Saturday for $16,000.

The hand-colored card, which shows a family celebrating around a table, is one of about 10 surviving from an original batch of 1,000 printed in 1843, auctioneers Hendry Aldridge & Son said.

AP: Felony conviction prevents Stant's SEAL bid

PORTLAND, Ore. -- A judge refused to clear the record of the man who whacked Olympic skater Nancy Kerrigan on the knee in 1994, likely ending his hopes to become a Navy SEAL.

Multnomah County Circuit Judge Julie Frantz told Shane Stant at a Thursday hearing that the law does not allow an assault conviction to be expunged.

Kerrigan had opposed the request, saying in a letter that to grant it "would send a message to others that such a crime can ultimately be swept under the rug."

Stant, 34, said he made the request because the Navy's special warfare unit will not accept anyone with a felony conviction.

The Tonya Harding-masterminded attack remains one of the most cowardly acts I've heard of.

Thank you, Tom Cruise.

Editor John Berbrich has accepted my poem, "Puberty", for the December 2005 issue of Barbaric Yawp. The poem was inspired by the shadowy love scene from Top Gun.

In other news, I've submitted four steamy (I hope) poems to Clean Sheets.

Crossover

I'm getting over my cold, and if all goes well Sunday the 4th, two of my college friends will get to meet two of my post-college friends as I attend a 6pm reading at Barbes featuring Sarah Weinman and David White, with my friends Andrew and Obsidian Xerxes (not his real name) in tow. Stay tuned, true-believers.

Skive: "Lonely Too Long"

My story "Lonely Too Long" is now live at Skive.

Let me know what you think in the Comments section. There's also a poll for favorite story on the site. Thanks again to editor Matt Ward.